did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize