It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
