dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
