I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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