So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
