I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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