she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
