No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
