Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
