I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
