Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize