Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm at about main and main street
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
