things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
