It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
