I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
