i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
