I am puke
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
