Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
