The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
