She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
