you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Are we still banned from the library?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
