that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
