i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
