Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize