We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
