so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
