is your mom at the bar?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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