Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize