If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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