Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
