I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
