Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
