do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
