Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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