I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
