at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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