I'm eating all of the evidence.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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