okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
