Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
