I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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