Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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