The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
