Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
