mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
