Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
