saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
