people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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