I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
