Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
