He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
