Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
