It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
