How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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