Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
