my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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