i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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