She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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