At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
