Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
