Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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