I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
