How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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