Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
