stop calling my apartment porn island.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
