I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize