I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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