he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
