mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
