I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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