I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
