i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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