Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
