He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
