a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i barfeds in our rink
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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