so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
whose parrot is this?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
