just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
