i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
