It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
