the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
